


I'm a terrible person

by who_seeks_shall_find



Series: Life as I see it [47]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Birthday, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Forgetting, Hugs, Mother Complex, Self-Hatred, Tears, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-08 12:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15243240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_seeks_shall_find/pseuds/who_seeks_shall_find
Summary: Felicity forgets William's birthday while Oliver is still in prison. She isn't sure if she still is a good mother figure to William. William, on the other hand, tries to comfort her.





	I'm a terrible person

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series about Oliver's imprisonment and a year after it. This drabble takes place during Oliver's imprisonment. Oliver has been in prison for 150 days.
> 
> The series will be updated once a day (if it's just possible). It's going to include 122 drabbles about Oliver, Felicity, William and other characters who are involved in their lives. It's going to take approximately four months to finish the series. The drabbles are linked to each other but they're NOT in a CHRONOLOGICAL order. That's why, there may also be gaps or blanks which are filled in later.
> 
> I wish that every character is respected without unnecessary hatred.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Felicity was rinsing dishes after the dinner and she couldn’t help but think how tired she was. She missed Oliver more than anything. She hadn’t even known that it was possible to miss someone that much. It was like a piece of her had taken away and she also hated herself for that. She had always been a strong woman who had learnt to cope through anything. 

Yet, now she was just tired and she missed his husband. She was tired of missing him, too. Her life was crazy with everything going on. Oliver had been away for hundred fifty days but it could also be hundred fifty years. Being without him was the hardest part but there were other things. Her start-up with Curtis was up and running but she couldn’t concentrate on it. She needed to be there for William who deserved so much better. 

Felicity’s heart clenched painfully as she thought about William. He had been so brave during Oliver’s imprisonment and Felicity couldn’t be prouder of him. Nevertheless, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was failing him. William had been forced to grow up too fast although he had always been mature. 

Felicity felt tears pricking her eyes. She should have been able to provide him longer childhood but she hadn’t known how to do that. His biological mom had passed away and his dad was in prison. He had been kidnapped and attacked. In addition, Felicity knew how William felt a need to protect her although she didn’t want that. His shoulders shouldn’t be carrying any more weight. She needed him to be happy. William deserved to be happy and his happiness was the most important thing in Felicity’s life. She would have been ready to sacrifice her own happiness if it meant that William could be happy. Her mother had once said that it was what motherhood meant – you would do anything to see your kid content.

Felicity sniffed and put the rinsed dishes into a dish washer. She was thinking way too dark thoughts right now. She didn’t want to drown in her own guilt. It wouldn’t help anything. Besides, she was always trying to her best although it didn’t comfort her now. She tried to calm herself down by taking deep breathes but she was too tired to do even that. She just needed some sleep and maybe tomorrow she could see the world as a happier place. Felicity straightened herself and washed her hands. There was nothing else she could do tonight.

As she dried her hands, she heard how William’s voice was coming closer. He was talking on phone and Felicity heard William saying: “It’s also nice to hear from you, grandma.”

Felicity felt her chest tightening as she realized that William was talking to his grandparents. Felicity could still remember how they had wanted to become William’s legal guardians after everything. Luckily, they had found an agreement but Felicity couldn’t help but feel a painful bang in her chest when she thought about it. She had almost lost William. 

However, she understood William’s grandparents concern. Things couldn’t have been easy for them, either. They had lost their daughter when Samantha had died and William had moved to another city. Then Oliver had gone to prison while Felicity and William had been under protective custody. William’s grandparents had known nothing about their whereabouts back then. 

Obviously, William’s grandparents loved him very much and they wanted to protect him. Felicity couldn’t blame them for that. William deserved all the love he got and more. That’s why, Felicity was also glad for their phone calls and the connection between them although it brought up painful memories. 

William’s voice became louder as he came closer to the kitchen. William said: “Thank you although it’s not a big deal, grandma.”

Now Felicity listened to their conversation more carefully. William continued: “It’s all good. My birthdays are different now. Going to that frozen yogurt place was something I did with mom.”

As Felicity heard the words leaving William’s lips, her heart dropped into her stomach. She froze and suddenly, her breathing became harder. She couldn’t believe that she had forgotten William’s birthday. What had she done? Her lower lip started trembling and she had never felt such a failure in her entire life. In her mind, she started repeating how she was a terrible mother figure.

Felicity leaned on the kitchen counter while she listened to the rest of the conversation. She bit her lip so she wouldn’t sob out loud. William’s voice came even closer and he answered to his grandmother: “I’m thirteen now. I don’t need presents anymore. Besides, there’re…”

William didn’t finish his sentence when he stepped inside to the kitchen and he saw Felicity. William halted immediately and he looked surprised to see Felicity. She gulped and tried to put on her brave face. Yet, she knew that she was failing miserably. William looked straight into Felicity’s eyes and she could feel how her tears started pooling in her eyes. 

William stammered to his grandmother: “Grandma. I really need to go. There is something I need to check.”

There was a silence for a few seconds while William listened to his grandmother. After a while, he replied although he was still looking at Felicity: “No, no, no. Everything is okay. I love you.”

His grandmother said something and William responded: “I promise to be careful. Say hi to grandpa, okay? I’ll call you again soon. Bye.”

William ended the call as he kept looking at Felicity. His concern was obvious in his eyes and he took a hesitant step forward. William cleared his throat and he started: “What happened, Felicity?”

Felicity couldn’t find her voice at first. A few tears fell onto her cheeks although she had tried to stop them. She dropped her head. Then she sniffed and whispered: “I forgot your birthday.”

“You heard the phone call, didn’t you?” William asked and his voice was full of guilt.

Felicity’s eyes snapped back at William’s. She didn’t understand why he sounded so guilty. William smiled at her apologetically and he took another step towards her. Then he grabbed Felicity’s hand and squeezed it comforting. Felicity took a hold on William’s hand with her both hands. 

William turned his gaze down and mumbled: “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Felicity asked and she could feel how a fresh wave of tears was coming.

“I didn’t want you to hear that. You already have enough on your plate,” William answered and he refused to meet Felicity’s eyes.

Felicity’ heart ached and she pulled William into her arms. William pressed his head on her shoulder although he was taller than Felicity. Felicity stroked William’s hair as she sobbed and said: “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I can’t believe that I forgot. I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve you.”

Abruptly, William raised his head and took a step backwards. He pleaded: “Don’t say that. I don’t want that. I know how hard everything is. It’s just a birthday.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Felicity said determined.

Then she continued quietly: “And I’m the one who is supposed to provide you home and normalcy.”

“You are,” William almost exclaimed and Felicity could see a glint in his eyes because of the unshed tears.

She pulled him into her arms again. William mumbled against her shoulder: “You’re my home, Felicity.”

“And you’re mine,” Felicity whispered back.

They stood there holding each other for a while in and soon Felicity asked: “Why didn’t you want me to remember that it was your birthday? Why didn’t you remind me of it?”

William responded quietly: “There so many pressing issues which are more important than my birthday. I’m thirteen now and I’m not supposed to be upset because I can’t have a birthday party. The priorities in my life had changed and it’s okay. It’s a part of growing, right?”

Felicity was speechless. She had been scared of this. She had feared that William was forced to grow up too quickly. He wasn’t acting or speaking like a boy at his age. He seemed older. Felicity wrapped her arms around him even more tightly as her heart ached for him. 

She cleared her throat and stated in a clear voice: “I know you’re more mature than a normal twelve-year-old boy. I mean a thirteen-year-old boy. Yet, I don’t want you think that there is something more important than you. I need you to know how much I love you.”

“I know,” William said without hesitation.

Then he went on: “When I talked to my grandma, I though you weren’t in the kitchen anymore. I don’t want you to feel guilty or sorry.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” Felicity rushed to say.

“That would violate our deal, remember? You’ll always have my back and I’m always going to check on you,” William stated as they let go of each other.

He gave her an encouraging smile and Felicity felt how the corners of her mouth were twitching. She nodded. Then she said: “I promise to work on that although now I can’t help but feel a little guilty.”

“Keep working on that because there’s no reason to feel guilty,” William said.

Felicity huffed out: “Our roles should be other way around. I should be comforting you. I’m the one who messed up.”

“Nope. We made a deal – you’re not feeling guilty over any of this,” William said and crossed his arms on his chest.

“Thank you, my sweet boy,” Felicity said quietly and her voice was thick with emotions. 

William smiled at her and Felicity took a deep breath. After a while she asked: “So, what do you want to do tomorrow? We’re going to celebrate your birthday no matter what. Better late than never.”

William looked surprised but soon Felicity could see some excitement in his eyes. William suggested: “Could we first go to swim and then play Injustice?”

“If that’s what you want to do, we’re going to do it,” Felicity promised as she tried to push her own guilt aside. 

There was no room for that anymore. They both were learning and doing their best although there were days, like this, when everything seemed to fall apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Update for tomorrow:  
> William helps Oliver to choose a tie for a date night with Felicity. Oliver and William end up talking about everything.


End file.
